Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
