He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize