does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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