i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
