I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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