I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize