drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
