Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
