1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I touched a dick in church today
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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