I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
