Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
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Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
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I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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