One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
