I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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