In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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