just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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