I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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