It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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