Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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