it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
