We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
