I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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