Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
