sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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