I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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