you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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