belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
