Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
