Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
