My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
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A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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