omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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