There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
