I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I love having hate sex.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
