in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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