Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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