Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
