We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
