living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Of course I have a pirate flag
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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