glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
