When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
