mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
