I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
