I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
