It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
