I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
