I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
someone owes me an orgasm
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
