How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
