omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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