Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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