Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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