I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
