I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
