No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
