There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This is the high leading the old right now
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
