you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
