you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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