he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
