I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
