he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
