I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
