I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
