yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
