Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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