I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
