if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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