We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
