I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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