i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
