In the future we'll all be gay
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hippo gnu deer
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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