break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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