I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
ugly people sure do ruin things
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Vodka?
Forever.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm both gender and math confused
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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