saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
