I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Holy sore nipples Batman
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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